DeepRest or Depressed?

Bila lah nak habis exam nie....

rabbana yassir wal tuassir...

Shooting for the moon...

Alhamdulillah, selesai sudah satu paper Neuroscience pagi tadi. Secara jujur, rasa tidak puas hati dengan 'performance' pagi tadi. Kenapa?

Semenjak 2 Sem yang lepas, prestasi akademik hanyalah sekadar 'average'..slightly better than 'below average' but far far away from 'excellent'.

Being a Muslim, I am ashamed of myself. I knew that I could have done better. It is not because I didn't get excellent or really good results,

it is because the fact that I definitely deserve to get the 'just so-so' results because I,me; Nadiah Zainal Abidin have never even tried to push myself to achieve the standard I used to be in during those good ol' days back in high school.

I became satisfied with just the 'average'. No longer having the inner urge to achieve the best. No motivation to be the best and gain the best.

I used to have a motto.

" Shoot for the moon...even if you fail,
you will land among the stars"

I even wrote that same motto in my Personal Statement. One that we were required to send in to RCSI in order to "impress" them to select us for the interview.

Now I am in RCSI. For one year. At least. I have completely forgotten about that particular motto.


What is happening to me??

PUISI 08 was a turning point for me. I have to change 'me'. Me;

-the lazy girl
- the last-minute girl
- the talk a lot girl
- the-many other not-so-good-attitude girl.

basically, it's about 'memperbaiki akhlak' . But, that is another different issue I have been working on.

Back to the question raised just now, I now realized that I have lost the 'inner push' that I once had. One that I lost without even realizing.

Thankfully, it came and struck me last few days after a chat with a senior. ( most probably a reminder from Allah)

The 'wicked reality of life as a medical student in RCSI (i repeat: in RCSI) knocked (ouch!) some sense into me..hard enough to 'woke me up' from the delusional state and false assurance of the 'I-might-do-badly-but-I-don't-think-I-will-ever-fail-any-of-my-paper' kind of feeling.

A 'comfort zone' for me.

Astaghfirullah, I was totally,totally..TOTALLY wrong.

Alhamdulillah, this is the point where I finally get the 'strong desire' to aim and get the best. InsyaAllah.

It is compulsory. It is a must. It is an obligation for me to work hard(or smart) to be the best of the best.

Why?

Simple. Because I am a MUSLIM. Muslims should always be number ONE.

credit to isacstudio

If I want to be a dai'e. I have to be excellent in life. In this stage of my life, I have to be excellent in my academics.

This is what my senior always emphasize and keep on repeating last year (sadly, I was still on my own 'comfort zone').

It is shameful for me to mouth words of the Quran while I myself didn't even practice it. It was hard, really hard for me to talk about 'cemerlang akademik & dakwah' in one of the LDK in PUISI 08 ( I was one of the faci) while the fact that I myself were bad in this aspect)

Asking people to be a good Muslim or to come to Islam..but at the same time, creating 'fitnah' to Islam itself. A backfire towards our religion. Walk your talk Dya!

It is acceptable if you still didn't get the best when you have tried your best. This is the where concept of redha & tawakkal apply. In fact, for every misfortune you encounter, InsyaAllah there will always be 'hikmah' behind it.

But it is unacceptable to earn 'cukup- cukup makan' and 'biasa-biasa' kind of results when you never even tried to aim and make efforts to achieve the best.

It is even worse when you even feel comfortable and satisfied with only being a 'mediocre' in terms of achievements ; like what I once felt. Astaghfirullah..


Hence, for this Semester. I am shooting for the moon.

I will,
I can,
and I must obtain 1st Class Honour for all my modules this time around.

I will prepare the best arrow to shoot for the moon.

I will,
I can,
and I must put extra effort to achieve my goal.

I will and
I must improve my relationship with Allah with the hope to bring my 'taqwa' to a higher level.

I am now ready to shoot for the moon.

In case I miss, InsyaAllah I will land among the stars. (hopefully not falling hard back on earth! Nau'dzubillah)

And I won't feel guilty or dissapointed since I have done my best.

When everything have been given the rightful way of putting them ( a'dil), the best thing to do next is to leave everything to Allah.






Mafhumnya: Barangsiapa yang bertakwa kepada Allah, nescaya Allah akan lepaskan ia dari masalah hidup Dan diberikannya rezeki dari sumber yang tidak diduga. Dan barangsiapa yang bertawakkal kepada Allah, nescaya Allah akan mencukupkan keperluannya. Sesungguhnya Allah melaksanakan urusan ( yang dikehendaki ) Nya. Sesungguhnya Allah telah mengadakan ketentuan bagi tiap-tiap sesuatu.


p/s : an interesting video to watch.

Stuffs that I need for Finals...

Just finished my Clinical Compentencies.. Got GIT for history taking, auscultating the apex beat and performing the aortic regurgitation manouvre and last but not least, the neuro exam of the upper limb which involved testing of the tone & power...

Alhamdulillah everything turned out quite well than last year's..(which was badly done) after much efforts been put into CC..I left it to Allah to give me the very best..InsyaAllah.

The next exam is gonna be the infamous 'card-signing'-like exam..the anatomy exam. My performance in actual anatomy exam always turned up not-so-good when comparing to the numerous cardsignings i have done..

I usually go blank due to the excessesive unwanted pre-exam nervousness disorder also known as EUPND ( pronounced as u-p-e-n-d). EUPND is a complicated disorder which usually attacks people before exam( as the name suggests).

Some of the symptoms are insomnia, palpitation, sudden loss of memory and excessive sweating. It may also cause suppression of the immune system thus increasing vulnerability to illness.

Okayhhhh...thats' it! I made it up. there's no such thing as EUPND. (ni namanya syndrom tepu study)

Soo.....stuffs that I need for Finals~

- Allah swt
- Quran
- Dua's from Mom & Dad,family & friends
- Motivation
- Stress ( the good ones ok)
- confidence!

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusan ku, kuatkanlah ingatanku, kurniakanlah aku kefahaman, tajamkanlah mindaku, berikanlah aku keyakinan dan kelancaran untuk menjawab exam kali ini.. peliharalah ilmu yg telah Kau berikan kepadaku.. Sesungguhnya engkaulah sebaik-baik Pemelihara.. keluarkanlah ilmu itu di saat aku memerlukannya.. Berikanlah aku kemudahan di saat kesulitan, berikanlah aku pertolongan di saat aku kesusahan.. kurniakanlah aku dan sahabat-sahabatku kejayaan setinggi-tinggi kejayaaan.. kurniakanlah kami kejayaan yang akan mendekatkan kami kepada-Mu.. Sesungguhnya aku bertawakkal dan berserah kepadaMu.. Engkaulah sebaik-baik sandaran dan sebaik-baik Penolong.. Amin.

back to ::study mode:: ----> chaiyo!!

WARNING!

FREE..FREE... PALESTINE!!

Demostrations all around the world...

In Paris, police said more than 20,000 demonstrators, many wearing Palestinian keffiyeh headscarves, marched through the city centre chanting slogans like "Israel murderer!" and waving banners demanding an end to the air attacks

London police said more than 10,000 people staged a noisy march and rally to urge an end to an Israeli offensive against Hamas militants that has killed at least 435 Palestinians.

Around 3,500 people also marched in Berlin and 4,000 in the western city of Duesseldorf, police said.

In the German capital, demonstrators carried pictures of former Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat and one small girl cradled a doll smeared in blood.

Demonstration held in front of the Irish Parliment.(3 jan 08)

Hundreds joined a protest in central Dublin.

"I just thought the fact that 300-400 people would've been bombed, would've been killed, was extremely wrong," said Andy Defaoite, a 27-year-old teacher in the Irish capital.

More than 1,000 demonstrators marched through Kuwait City, with banners reading "Gaza will not die" and "We want a free Gaza."

Another 1,000 marched in Madrid, some calling for sanctions against Israel, equating Zionism with Nazism and chanting slogans like "Israel kills, the world just stands by."

Police said about 1,500 people marched through Amsterdam.

About 1,000 demonstrators marched through the Italian city of Milan on Saturday, some burning Israeli flags, with a smaller rally in Turin.

Malaysia apa cerita eh??

----> see more pictures here.

....