Tazkirah itu peringatan. Jadi, semoga peringatan kali kedua membuatkan diri ini lebih berusaha keras dan bermuhasabah atas apa yang berlaku sem lepas..Semoga sem kali ini Allah berikan yang lebih baik..kejayaan yang mendekatkan diri ini kepada-NYa..amin..
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Semenjak 2 Sem yang lepas, prestasi akademik hanyalah sekadar 'average'..slightly better than 'below average' but far far away from 'excellent'.
Being a Muslim, I am ashamed of myself. I knew that I could have done better.
It is not because I didn't get excellent or really good results,it is because the fact that I definitely deserve to get the 'just so-so' results because I,me; Nadiah Zainal Abidin have never even tried to push myself to achieve the standard I used to be in during those good ol' days back in high school.
I became satisfied with just the 'average'.
No longer having the inner urge to achieve the best.
No motivation to be the best and gain the best.
I used to have a motto.
" Shoot for the moon...even if you fail,you will land among the stars"
I even wrote that same motto in my Personal Statement. One that we were required to send in to RCSI in order to "impress" them to select us for the interview.Now I am in RCSI. For one year. At least.
I have completely forgotten about that particular motto.
What is happening to me??
PUISI 08 was a turning point for me. I have to change 'me'.
Me;
-the lazy girl
- the last-minute girl
- the talk a lot girl
- the-many other not-so-good-attitude girl.
basically, it's about 'memperbaiki akhlak' . But, that is another different issue I have been working on.
Back to the question raised just now, I now realized that I have lost the 'inner push' that I once had.
One that I lost without even realizing.Thankfully, it came and struck me last few days after a chat with a senior. ( most probably a reminder from Allah)
The 'wicked reality of life as a medical student in RCSI (i repeat: in RCSI) knocked (ouch!) some sense into me..hard enough to 'woke me up' from the delusional state and false assurance of the 'I-might-do-badly-but-I-don't-think-I-will-ever-fail-any-of-my-paper' kind of feeling.
A 'comfort zone' for me.Astaghfirullah, I was totally,totally..TOTALLY wrong.Alhamdulillah, this is the point where I finally get the 'strong desire' to aim and get the best.
InsyaAllah.It is compulsory. It is a must. It is an obligation for me to work hard(or smart) to be the best of the best.Why? Simple. Because I am a MUSLIM.
Muslims should always be number ONE.
If I want to be a dai'e. I have to be excellent in life. In this stage of my life, I have to be excellent in my academics.
This is what my senior always emphasize and keep on repeating last year (sadly, I was still on my own 'comfort zone').It is shameful for me to mouth words of the Quran while I myself didn't even practice it.
It was hard, really hard for me to talk about 'cemerlang akademik & dakwah' in one of the LDK in PUISI 08 ( I was one of the faci) while the fact that I myself were bad in this aspect)Asking people to be a good Muslim or to come to Islam..but at the same time, creating 'fitnah' to Islam itself.
A backfire towards our religion. Walk your talk Dya!It is acceptable if you still didn't get the best when you have tried your best. This is the where concept of redha & tawakkal apply. In fact, for every misfortune you encounter, InsyaAllah there will always be 'hikmah' behind it.
But it is unacceptable to earn 'cukup- cukup makan' and 'biasa-biasa' kind of results when you never even tried to aim and make efforts to achieve the best.It is even worse when you even feel comfortable and satisfied with only being a 'mediocre' in terms of achievements ; like what I once felt.
Astaghfirullah..Hence, for this Semester.
I am shooting for the moon.
I will,I can,and I must obtain 1st Class Honour for all my modules this time around.
I will prepare the best arrow to shoot for the moon.
I will,I can,and I must put extra effort to achieve my goal.
I will and I must improve my relationship with Allah with the hope to bring my 'taqwa' to a higher level.
I am now ready to shoot for the moon.
In case I miss, InsyaAllah I will land among the stars.
(hopefully not falling hard back on earth! Nau'dzubillah)
And I won't feel guilty or dissapointed since I have done my best.
When everything have been given the rightful way of putting them ( a'dil), the best thing to do next is to leave everything to Allah. Wallahu'alam.
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